


Always You

by BrokenBookAddict



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Past Relationship(s), Philinda - Freeform, Romance, Truth, friends - Freeform, kiss, partners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 11:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20506394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenBookAddict/pseuds/BrokenBookAddict
Summary: The only thing he has ever wanted, is for her to be happy. Even if it isn't with him.





	Always You

**Author's Note:**

> Obvious disclaimer: I do not own Marvel's agents of shield. 
> 
> I do own any errors found lurking here.

The dimly lit hallways of the playground are quiet, almost deserted. The total opposite to what they normally would be like throughout the day, a side effect of the late hour possibly but also because of the many Shield agents that are out on active assignments. There's always a fight needing to be fought, another big bad and his minions to take down. Plus, there's always Hydra, a fire Shield continues to fight to put out, once and for all, Ward along with it.   
  
Tonight, having just left the medical bay after talking with Simmons, Coulson strolls through the corridors taking advantage of the quiet to look over the report he's just been given. It's a breakdown of what went down in the field to result in Daisy and Mack becoming injured. The injuries they sustained aren't serious but still, they'll remain under observation for the night, head injuries can be tricky things and any risk isn't worth it. Every member of the team needs to be at the top of their game if they are to defeat Hydra. 

He closes the report and tucks the file under his arm as he makes his way back to his office.  
  
As he draws nearer to the common area, a murmurs of voices float out to greet him as he steps into the open doorway. The scene that greets him is one of May and Andrew sharing a drink in the kitchen area. It's not an uncommon sight as of late and neither is the feeling that rises up within him as he looks across at them. He refuses to name or acknowledge the feelings for what they are or represent, their familiar too like an old friend because he's experienced them before. But he'd dealt with them then so he'll deal with them now. 

His intention before retreating back to his office had been to grab something to eat and a beer but now he finds his appetite waning and his need for a drink intensifying to something stronger than beer.  
  
"Coulson," Andrew says loudly, drawing his attention across the spacious common room. "Join us for a drink?"  
  
_That_ is the last thing he wants right now. "Thank you but I have to work." He offers his refusal as kindly as he can manage before dragging himself out of the doorway. "I just wanted to grab something to eat." He says, explaining his sudden appearance.   
  
"Of course."  
  
He closes the gap across the space to the kitchen. He opens the door beside the fridge which has been designated as the snack cupboard. He tries to block out the conversation taking place quietly behind him, refusing to focus upon the words or the laughter that accompanies it from the couple behind him. He refuses to acknowledge exactly how long it's been since he's heard her laugh like that. Instead he chooses to shake it away, focusing instead upon moving aside Simmon's health freak cookies that taste like cardboard. Eyes finally find and stare at the lone package nestled at the back, little Debbie cakes, knowing full well there had been two packets left the last time he'd looked. It doesn't take being a rocket scientist like Fitz-Simmons to figure out who had stolen the powered pack.  
  
Daisy.  
  
It isn't the first time and probably won't be the last of her raiding his supply. Reaching in he picks up the cakes before closing the door, looking down at them in his left hand and the black glove that covers it. He can't feel the weight in his palm or the texture of the packaging, plastic his brain clearly knows but still... it's still a foreign feeling which he's slowly coming to terms with. He has no choice. It's all part of the sacrifice. He's almost forgotten about the couple behind him so lost in thought he is but when he turns around it's to find May watching him.  
  
"What?" He can't help but ask.  
  
Her eyes move to his hand, as if she knew exactly what he had been thinking. She always seems to know exactly what's on his mind. "You okay?"  
  
For some reason her concern rubs him the wrong way and for all the wrong reasons. "Yes, I'm fine." Coulson snaps before he can stop himself and immediately he hates himself for it, seeing her sharing a drink with Andrew is the reason. He shakes his head. "I'll be in my office," he murmurs before walking away.  
  
He closes the door to his office firmly behind him, hoping to block out everything beyond these four walls. He moves to his desk to drop down his package of cakes, appetite now gone before moving over to where his drinks supply rests. He pours a generous amount of whiskey in his glass. Nursing said glass in his hand, he stares out the window. Without prompt his mind wanders away to focus upon a subject always at the forefront of his mind.  
  
_May_.  
  
Since she's come back things have been different, not just between them but different with her. He suspects it's Andrew presence around the playground and despite how he feels he can't fault seeing her happy. That is all he has ever wanted. It had been all he'd wanted at the point of her marriage, standing back on the sidelines and it will remain so now. No matter the circumstances or how he feels. May, above anyone, deserves to be happy.   
  
Coulson doesn't know how long he stands there, pondering his best friend and his feelings for said best friend while staring out into the darkness of the night, feeling it creep almost into his very soul. Before too long a knock at his door draws away his attention from the view of blackness with a sigh. He turns to glance at his closed door. "Come in."  
  
He expects May or maybe Daisy to stroll in but instead it's Andrew who steps inside his darkened office.  
  
"Andrew, what can I do for you? Is something wrong?"

"No," the other man shakes his head, stepping up to stand beside Coulson's desk. "Just a courtesy call before I leave. You know where I am if I'm urgently needed here but I do have other things to take care of."  
  
"Of course," Coulson says understanding his point though is surprised. "I didn't know you are leaving, has a quinjet been..."  
  
Andrew nods, cutting him off. "Yes. Melinda arranged it earlier for me."  
  
Coulson falls silent at the mention of her. His eyes drop to the amber liquid in his glass, watching it swirl. Anxiety rises within him at the possibility of her going with him. She's made no mention of leaving but that's not to say she isn't. He pushes down the anxiety, refusing to allow it to effect him. 

There's a moments pause where silence rests between them. It's not awkward but it's not comfortable either.   
  
"I'm starting to wonder if either of you will ever say what needs to be said."  
  
His head snaps up to stare across at Andrew. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Im talking about you... and Melinda."  
  
Coulson frowns, his fingers tightening around his glass. He doesn't know what to say to that. There is no him and Melinda, there never has been despite his wanting there to be. However his lack of response gives the wrong impression.   
  
"So you don't deny it?"  
  
"Deny what? Nothing is going on between me and May. Nothing ever has."  
  
"And that's the problem," the good doctor tells him, as if pointing out something rather obvious that he should _just see._  
  
This isn't a conversation he was expecting to have and he has no idea where this is going. He also has no idea what to say. Is there even a right response he can give in a conversation like this?  
  
"Do you think I never knew, Phil? That I didn't see it?" Andrew questions quietly.   
  
"See what?" He's bewildered by this, the direction this is going.   
  
"That for Melinda, it was always you. It still is you. Maybe at the beginning I didn't see it or maybe I didn't want to see it but further down the line, I knew she loved you." Andrew meets the other man's eyes, dead on. "I saw the way you looked at her then and you still do so now. Even a blind man could see it."   
  
Coulson feels like he can't breath, as if the room is closing in on him. "I never..."  
  
"No, I know." Andrew reassures and stops to drag a hand over his face. "I know nothing ever happened. I'm not accusing you of anything."

Coulson can only nod. It's one of his biggest regrets, that nothing ever has happened between them. That he never took the chance, that he wasted so much time being afraid of ruining what they had. 

"After the point where I admitted it to myself, everything became clearer. After Bahrain she wouldn't let me in, she wouldn't talk to me, I couldn't touch her but you could. Melinda turned to you and I realised then that she never needed me, not when who she really needed and loved was you all along."  
  
Silence settles between them as the words sink in and linger between them. Coulson downs the remaining whiskey, enjoying the burn before looking back at his old friend. He's stalling as his mind whirls, trying to take in what he's being told. "Why are you telling me all this?"  
  
"Because all I've ever wanted for her is to be happy and she is, to a degree. Being here with you, with this team, with _the kids_ as she calls them, it's given her a part of herself she thought gone."  
  
"Did she tell you that?" Coulson asks, intrigued to know if May has been talking to her ex about this.  
  
But Andrew doesn't answer the question, just continues on as if the question hadn't been asked. "But she could be happier if you two actually sat down to talk, talk about what everyone else sees about you both."  
  
Coulson knows what the other man refers to, he's heard the talk around the base, it's the same whispers he's heard following after them since the academy.

"You seem surprised?" 

Truth be told he is, about a lot of things but one thing he is curious about. "You seem awfully calm and understanding for a man who suspects his ex wife to be in love with another man." 

"I stopped being angry a long time ago but it wasn't anyone's fault. Not really. I know she loved me but it was different and I tried to save our marriage to make it work as best it could but in the end it wasn't enough." 

It's weird to feel guilty about something you had no knowledge of, no physical involvement in but he had. At least from Andrew's point of view. His relationship with May, his feelings for her had impacted their marriage, despite having no intentions of doing so. 

"I'm sorry," he says sincerely, having the need to apologise for his part in all this. He owes the other man that.

But Andrew shakes his head. "I don't want you to apologise for loving her, for taking care of her and keeping her safe. That's why I'm here, telling you this. She deserves happiness and I believe you can give her that." He looks down at his watch before looking back across at Phil. "My ride leaves in a few minutes so I'll say goodbye but just think about what I said. We all know in this line of work just how short time can be."  
  
Coulson watches as Andrew strides toward the door, opening it to disappear out into the hall without another word, the door clicking shut softly behind him.

He stares at the closed door.   
  
His mind is a jumble as he tries to process the conversation, the advice given by Melinda's ex husband. Since when do ex husband's matchmake anyway? Especially with a man who you suspected your wife to be in love with during your marriage. And is he right? Does she reciprocate his feelings? Have they really wasted all this time holding back?

His respect for Andrew grows in light of this. Here is a man putting aside everything so the woman he still loves and cares about is happy. But he finds himself left with more questions than answers after the talk, to add to his already in turmoil thoughts and emotions regarding this woman.   
  
Turning back to the window he pours himself another glass before walking to his desk, dropping himself down into his chair.  
  
He finds himself pondering the advice he's just received. That just maybe, he should take a chance and talk with May...  
  
An hour or so later, his pondering of taking said advice is taken out of his hands. A knock at the door proceeds May stepping inside the office.  
  
Words escape him. Which is good because he's half afraid of what could come tumbling out of his mouth if he were to open it.   
  
Surprisingly, despite her nature to remain quiet, it's May who speaks first, breaking the silence.  
  
"Andrew's gone."

Coulson nods. "I know. He was here before he left." 

"Oh."

May moves across the office to stand before his desk. She looks down, fingers trailing across the wood, following the grain. She seems lost in thought. 

He watches her for a few moments, his eyes following the motion of her hand. "Are you alright?" 

May looks up at him. "Just thinking about something Andrew said before he left." 

It's on the tip of his tongue to inquire exactly what that is but he doesn't, despite how his thoughts bombard him with theories where maybe Andrew said the same to her as he did an hour earlier to him. He doesn't, instead he stands from his chair and motions to his glass. 

"Would you like to join me?" 

May nods. "Please, make it a double." 

Coulson smiles as he moves to the window where the bottle still rests and picks up another glass, doing as she requested. When he returns to his desk, he hands over her glass, their fingers brush as she takes it from him. He drops his eyes as he drops back into his seat. 

Silence falls between them, it's comfortable but there's an edge there that rests between them, like something is going unsaid. Which of course, there is. At least, on his behalf. 

He has to wonder if now is the time to be brave, to take the chance and finally talk to her about how he feels like Andrew instructed. As he tries to find the words to do exactly that, May breaks the quietness that rests between them, again. 

"I hurt him," she says quietly, looking down into her glass. 

"Andrew?" He asks, clearly guessing the man to be who she's referring too. "How so?" 

May takes a sip of her whiskey, stalling for a beat. "He told me he always knew, right from the very beginning." She tells him vaguely, but it's enough. 

Coulson immediately falters, his breathing hitches as he stares at the woman across from him. He knows exactly what she's referring to but it doesn't stop his question. "Know what?" 

May looks up and meets his gaze. "That it was always you," she tells him softly with a shrug. "He told me that it's time to stop, to talk and to finally just say it." 

"May..." 

"So I'm saying it--" she starts before continuing, "I love you." 

Coulson stills and his mind goes completely blank. He knows he should say something, return the sentiment, _something_... but she's blindsided him. First Andrew, now May. Completely and _utterly_ blindsided him. 

It's obvious her words have shocked him and May rolls her eyes. Setting down her glass upon the dark wood of his desk, she walks around it until she's in front of him, looking down at him. 

He turns slightly in his chair so he's directly in front of her, his eyes search her face. 

May reaches out to take his glass and set it aside before stepping between his legs. There's a moments pause before she leans forward, her hands brace on the arm rests as she closes the gap to kiss him. It's a soft, tentative brush of lips before she pulls away far enough to meet his eyes. 

She's everything he's ever wanted and she's right here... and she loves him. Without any further hesitation his hands move to cup her face, pulling her back into him. This time, he kisses her slow, almost languid but throughly. Despite having kissed her before, numerous times for undercover missions, this is different. You can feel the emotion rippling under the surface. This kiss is nothing like the others because it's better, because it's _them_. 

When his tongue slips into her mouth, she moans quietly and it sends a fire through him. Her fingers curl into his shirt tugging him up and he rises from his chair without pause, turning with her until she's perched on his desk and he's between her thighs. When her right hand drags down his chest to rest on his stomach just above his belt, he breaks the kiss, his forehead resting upon hers.

"Melinda..." he whispers, tilting his head to kiss her cheek, her jaw, her neck. 

May pulls back to look up at him, a small smile on her face as she playfully tugs at his belt. "It's time you take me to bed," she tells him quietly but seriously, making her intentions plain. 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nods, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "We've waited long enough."

Good God, how true that is. So much wasted time have gone by.

Sliding his hands down her arms, he takes her hand in his, stepping back to allow her to slip from his desk. He switches of his desk lamp then leads her across the office. He pauses outside the door to his quarters when something occurs to him and he pulling her into him. "I forgot to..." he shakes his head then stops. "I love you too." 

"I know." 

Coulson huffs a laugh before kissing her again, reaching blindly behind him to open the door and back his way in, taking her with him. 

As the door slowly drifts to a close and the sound of the lock clicks into place, Coulson sends a silent thanks to Andrew, for giving them the push they needed. 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you got this far, then I thank you for reading. Hopefully you enjoyed this latest Philinda fic. Once more I have to say thank you for every kudos, hit and comment you have given my prior three stories as I venture into this fandom, the support is lovely. Another Philinda fic is in the works and will be updated in a few days, with a lot more ideas to be fulfilled. Until next time, lovely readers.... 
> 
> ❤


End file.
